If you’re looking for inspiration about Cheyenne’s future, you won’t find it in Mayor Orr’s speech

(Editor’s note: Cheyenne Mayor Marian Orr’s State of the City speech can be found at http://bit.ly/2Upei0Y)

BY RICHARD JOHNSON

This article may seem petty, but look at the author. This is my breakdown of the State of the City speech (aka Between Two Ferns — Cheyenne Edition).

First of all, what was up with the musical intro for local businessman Dave Lerner and the mayor? Is the State of the City address turning into a poor man's version of “The Tonight Show”?

            The bulldozer vs. private property rights. The fact the mayor made a remark that she thought she could just bulldoze

Potholes were on the mayor’s mind in her “State of City” speech.

 private property in her first six months shows why a city manager is needed. Admitting you weren’t qualified for the job shows how a professional is so much more economical and intelligent when it comes to managing a corporation with roughly 600 employees. 

            How were private funds used in the demolition of the courthouse? It was a 6th penny project. If private funds were used, why did it need to be on the ballot? Maybe these private investors were spending too much time huffing fumes in the Z's Building?

            The mayor referenced herself about 130 times in the speech and spoke of the great efforts of her staff. Then she makes a snide remark about how she hit a few potholes on the way to the speech. If she's not turning them in, why would she think using a phone app will help? 

Mayor, you're in the same building as the Public Works Department. Why not just report the ones you hit to your own staff? Apparently, you don’t communicate with your staff, which is interesting considering the fact that you blame 90 percent of the problems you have with City Council on poor communication. Seems communication issues are just as common as our freeze-thaw cycles in the high plains.

The fact you bring up data in finding potholes as well as other city issues seems hypocritical. There were data during past administrations; you just failed to use them because it wasn’t your idea. 

This is the first speech you haven’t lambasted past administrations, acting like you were the cure to all our ails. All mayors have had to deal with inclement weather, but you chose to ridicule others instead of learn from them. 

            The fact that mayor transitioned from lack of funds for fixing infrastructure to cuts from the Legislature was priceless. What happened to the mayor who told me, “I know the Legislature. They’ll give us the money we deserve?" Iguess that mayor wasn't elected! 

The pipe dream of having larger communities tax themselves is a laughing matter. The county commissioners’ lobby will squash that just like it did extraterrestrial jurisdictions. If there is a 2021 State of the City speech, it will just be that emoji of the girl doing the "whatever, we tried" gesture.

            Insert petty moment here. Mayor, when talking about employees enhancing their skill sets, it’s not good to say "edjamication." I was always under the assumption it was best to keep qualified employees, but the you just told everyone that city government is educating staff to move on to better jobs in the private sector. I thought retention cut down on continual training costs. What do I know?

            You mentioned conflict resolution was a course. Why aren't you and the City Council enrolled? Maybe that argument you had with the governor didn’t need to happen? 

You seemed OK running to the media to whine about that ridiculous conflict in an obvious (and pathetic) attempt at political gain. “Flowergate" is what I call it. Damn, I need to trademark my verbiage on my Christmas letters. I’ve wrote enough on the flowers I planted — and which you dough up — so I don’t need to beat that dead horse. 

Funny, the mayor can openly admit she pulled the Downtown Development Authority's funds in her budget, yet she chastises them for making cuts. Wow, that’s a special kind of ignorant.

            The fact she can still make jokes about "kicking rocks" is embarrassing. It didn’t really come across as apologetic. 

I do find it amusing how this shit transpired from a shirt in the wake of her rebuke of constituents who didn’t like her charging for what always has been free at Superday. Shirt made, kicking rocks tour, free waffles lead to the mayor’s misuse of grant funds, taxpayers foot the bill for trips to Cabo. Brilliant move, mayor. Brilliant!

            It's horrific that she actually admits she thought the Bloomberg grant was "free money" for discretionary use. What does the word "discretion" mean to a politician? Per this administration, it sounds like it references Aleister Crowley's famous motto, "Do what thou wilt." 

Once again, a quick talk with a professional grants manager (which the mayor has on staff) should educate and inform you that grants have stipulations.

            Did I mention a city manager? Maybe Cheyenne should consider looking for one via Match.com or Tinder? I think that might actually be more beneficial. Since the purpose of those sites is to hook up, I guess the best we can hope for is a few nudes and crowd-funded building remediation campaigns. Swipe right, Cheyenne! 

Who would’ve thought a website would cost nearly $100K over four years?  I guess I better sign up for Array classes to get better "edjamication." Sidebar: Both Array and the Grier Building are owned by Amy Surdam. Why does that name sound so familiar? 

One of the most squeamish moments in the interview was when Lerner said, “You got beat up pretty bad last year … on social media." I’m uncouth, but damn, Lerner is hella salty! (I guess he's still bitter about all the political campaigns he has failed to win.)

It's safe to say the city government’s interface with residents is lackluster when putting meetings on Facebook Live is considered a huge success. Council meetings have been online for years and were broadcast on channel 19. I'm sad to think that a social media live stream is considered progress. 

The fact that roofs are still leaking on the Cleveland Fire Station almost four years after mayor’s election is appalling. During that "Door to Door with Orr" nonsense, she did a full feature film on this issue. 

She has created three mayoral budgets, yet she can't fix a leaky roof. Maybe there weren’t data to support a leak? Maybe she needed a bit more conflict and media attention to actually get to work? How many budgets to fix a leak? Jesus, I feel like that Tootsie Roll owl.  

I love how the Commons area was mentioned as a haven for youth, but the whole place has skate stoppers. Let's not forget that Wyoming Area Risk Management guidelines that said we were all going to drown like the Pharaoh’s army at the West Edge K Flay concert. Let my people go, Mayor! 

Orr even admitted that her parents have asked her, “What are you doing?" And then she thanked God that her folks aren't on social media. That sure inspires a lot of confidence in a leader.  

It's also pretty unbelievable that she thinks $95K isn't a livable wage for a mayor. Wasn’t she the same person who mentioned at the LCCC debate that she would be Cheyenne’s first 24/7/365 mayor? My how the rhetoric has turned like a sensitive stomach in the Z's Building.

The fact she says she hopes to leave the city in better shape that she found it is comical. Maybe City Council can use the new app to order some glue sticks to put the city back together again. I'll even donate some R&B breakfast burritos via Grub Hub for that effort. 

Is that the basis of #together2020? If 2020 is going to be the year of facts, does that mean 2017, 2018 and 2019 were the years of fake news, lies, half-truths, and non-facts? 

At least the public received confirmation, several times, that city workers are "her" employees. The same employees she wants to farm out to the private sector and berates regularly because she is hitting potholes and getting failed chip seal stuck to her red bottoms. 

Why didn’t she mention that these are the same employees who don’t get makeup days off when the rest of the city is closed? No wonder you can't fill vacant city positions. Maybe this will come out in the new budget? 

I’m guessing not. We probably can just look forward to more cuts to the DDA, flowerpot scandals and unethical Go Pro purchases.

RICHARD JOHNSON is a former City Council member from Cheyenne’s east side.